


An Encrypted Farewell

by AhnzoVincente



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Bisexual Character, Dragon age puns, Emotional crying because he just loves Ashley so much, F/M, Quoted poetry, Tennyson, Trans Male Character, Ulysses by Tennyson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 12:29:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12081087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AhnzoVincente/pseuds/AhnzoVincente
Summary: Commander Nathaniel Owen Shepard was never one to give up. The fire in his heart, the one that kept him fighting on Torfan, the one that helped him take down Saren and the Geth, was also the same that kept him fighting for a world where Ashley would be happy. He didn't want to leave her without answers, not again. So right before he launched a rescue mission he was unsure he'd make it back from, he risks it all and sends out a message. A message only his true love could understand.





	An Encrypted Farewell

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you especially to SomethingProfound for being my beta reader! You are a wonderful friend and I love discussing Shepley with you!!
> 
> Can you pick out the two Dragon Age references I wrote in *snickers* They're pretty great (or bad, I wrote them on no sleep and they're hilarious).

Nathaniel’s fingers curled around the railing, hands shaking at the chill of the metal. Or was it the anxiety? He couldn’t tell the difference. Creaking from the bulkheads echo loudly through the empty corridors of the Normandy. He kept straining his ears to listen for the sounds of the crew. For Yeoman Chambers to notify him of pending vid calls and messages, wanting to hear about Ensign Hawke ripping apart that FENRIS mech with her biotic warp. He ached to hear the chatter on the bridge. Nathaniel’s sighs echoed through the halls, bouncing off the looming bulkheads. His head hung low, resting his weight heavily on his rough hands.

There was a silence before Ilos. But this was different. The crew was gone, and they were launching a rescue mission they weren't even sure they would return from. But he didn't care. Nathaniel fucking Shepard didn't care. He would sacrifice everything, he would fight like hell to see his crew again. It was in his nature; if someone needed his help, he refused to turn a blind eye. He would help someone, even if it meant sacrificing himself. He knew his duty, and his duty was to serve until death. The fire in him, the one that kept him fighting on Torfan, refused to be extinguished. Nathaniel Owen Shepard was sure as hell not one to give up in the face of doubt and adversity.

“Plotting a course for the Omega 4 relay, ETA 2 hours. I’ll let you know when we arrive.” Joker’s voice reverberated over the comm, filling every empty hall, every empty room.

“Acknowledged. I'll be in my cabin.” Nathaniel said as he turns towards the elevator.

Once inside, he asked EDI “Are we able to get a transmission to Liara before we get to the relay?”

“What is the nature of this message Shepard?” EDI retorted.

Nathaniel remained silent until the elevator arrives on Level 1. “Can we do it?”

“Of course, whenever you're…” EDI was interrupted.

“I need to encrypt a portion of it… a… personal note.” Nathaniel said softly as he sat down at his desk. “Give me some time, I'll have it ready for you to transmit.”

Nathaniel opened his private terminal. As the screen awoke , he caught a glimpse of the picture on his desk. A picture of him and Ashley at the Alliance headquarters in Vancouver, British Columbia. He missed her, he missed waking up to her in the morning.

He remembered Horizon, he remembered seeing her walk around the corner and how he ran to her arms wide. He remembered embracing her so tight, never wanting to let go. Then she stepped back, she turned away. He fell to his knees and cried, he sobbed, begging her to stay. He remembered pleading to her, wanting to explain what happened. But she walked away.

Tears began to fall slowly down his cheeks. Refusing to give up, refusing to let it all go, he vowed to do better. He wanted to hold her again, to never let go. And he was going to fight hard to earn her trust again.

Nathaniel hand softly touched the frame surrounding the picture, he says “EDI, begin dictation: Dear Ash…””Operations Chief Williams?” Squeaked a young but eager private.

* * *

"What is it Private Jim?” Ashley said as she worked on her armaments in her office. Her patience wearing thin. She had heard whispers of a potential court martial for Nate, but didn't want to believe it. She always knew him to be the ruthless sort, but he wouldn't really destroy an entire colony… Would he?

“Uh heh um… well…” Private Jim stumbled over his words. “Well, Staff Sergeant Rutherford… He uh gave me this. This for you ma'am.”

Ashley refused to look up from her work. “Speak up.”

“Yes ma'am, understood ma'am. Staff Sergeant Rutherford mentioned that an encrypted message came for you, stating it as high priority. He loaded it onto this data pad for you.” Private Jim said with confidence and eagerness.

“Thank you. Dismissed.” Ashley said in her usual professional tone. Once the door hissed shut she lept for the data pad. Encrypted? What the hell kind of orders are these… This isn't regulation at all. She thought to herself.

“PLEASE ENTER ENCRYPTION PHRASE” flashed across the screen of the data pad in bright red letters. Ashley held the data pad tight, racking her brain for ideas on how to get past this encryption block. Without thinking, her fingers began tapping out words, “Death closes all: but something ere the end.” [1]

The screen of the data pad went blank. A static hiss began to play, crackles of broken sounds cut through her ears. Ashley furrowed her brow, confused at what tomfoolery had been played at her expense. Was this some prank by her subordinates to get her to lighten up?

Suddenly, a voice made its way through all the static: “Ash, if you're actually hearing this… God I hope this goes through. I miss you…”

Ashley's eyes shot open in surprise, she knew that voice.

“If I know you, your eyes are doing that cute blinking thing they do when you're surprised.” The voice laughed. “I miss you, I think about you all the time, I wake-up in the morning and cry because all I want is to hold you again. I want to wrap my arms around your waist as you kiss me…” The voice begins to waiver, almost like the speaker is crying.

“I fucked up, I know I did…” the voice trailed off. “You were right, you had every right to say what you did on Horizon. I was hurt, I never wanted to let you go… but I understand now, I do.

“You know me, I am far from the type of person who gives up. I will fight, I will fight hard just to see you again. I will fight to make your world safe, even if I can't be a part of it.

“You know where I'm going. You know I might not come back this time. But you know me, death can't even stop me. Neither can some gross buggy aliens. I won't go down, not again. But if I do, if I don't come back, I don't want you to be without my love.

“This isn't a good bye. Consider this an advanced payment on an insurance policy. No… That's a terrible analogy. EDI delete that part.”

Ashley laughed, choking back tears. She felt conflicted, she wanted to forgive Shepard. But there were still parts of her that didn't trust him because of Cerberus. He was risking everything to get this message out, he knew what was at stake. Yet he went through all this trouble?

“Moans round with many voices. Come, my friends, / 'T is not too late to seek a newer world…”[2]

“Is… is he reciting Ulysses?” Ashley's eyes sparkled, she always loved how he would recite her favorite lines from Tennyson’s works. His dictation seeming to capture the very essence of each line, each word.

“Push off, and sitting well in order smite / The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds / To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths / Of all the western stars, until I die. / It may be that the gulfs will wash us down: / It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles, / And see the great Achilles, whom we knew. / Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho' / We are not now that strength which in old days / Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are; / One equal temper of heroic hearts, / Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will…”[3]

“To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”[4] Ashley recited the final line as she began to hold the data pad to her heart.

Muffled against her armor, Nathaniel read one final line, “I love you Ashley, I'll be back this time. I promise.”

* * *

"EDI, end dictation.” Nathaniel sighed as he rests his elbows on his desk, head in hands, rubbing his eyes. “Encrypt with my passphrase and send off to Liara to forward to Ashley.”

“Understood. We are nearing the Omega 4 relay, should I notify the remaining crew of our proximity and gather them in the briefing room?”

“Yes. Tell them to… Tell them it's time.” Nathaniel said as he rose from his chair, taking one last look at Ashley's picture.

**Author's Note:**

> [1-4] Quoted Poetry:  
> Ulysses by Alfred, Lord Tennyson - 1833  
> http://www.sparknotes.com/poetry/tennyson/section4.rhtml


End file.
